{"id":978,"date":"2023-07-15T21:58:00","date_gmt":"2023-07-16T04:58:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tisbestorg.flywheelsites.com\/blog\/?p=978"},"modified":"2024-03-26T11:05:16","modified_gmt":"2024-03-26T18:05:16","slug":"the-secret-to-raising-a-generous-child-science-of-giving-series-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tisbest.org\/posts\/the-secret-to-raising-a-generous-child-science-of-giving-series-4\/","title":{"rendered":"The Secret to Raising a Generous Child | Science of Giving Series #4"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

<\/a><\/a>
A recent article from The Atlantic makes a startling claim<\/a>:<\/strong> according to a new Harvard University study, The Children We Mean to Raise<\/a>, only 20% of children believe that their parents value caring for others as a top priority. This is in sharp contrast to what parents claim is important for their children to learn: 96% of parents say they want to raise ethical, caring children. The other 80% of children surveyed reported that their parents were more concerned about achievement or happiness. Writes Jessica Lahey in The Atlantic, this study \u201creveals that the message parents\u00a0mean<\/i>\u00a0to send children about the value of empathy is being drowned out by the message we\u00a0actually<\/i>\u00a0send: that we value achievement and happiness above all else.\u201d While you may not be surprised to hear that other<\/i> people\u2019s children don\u2019t value caring for others as a top priority, this study indicates that your own children may well be part of this overwhelming majority.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c[This should be a] wake-up call to parents,\u201d says child psychologist and author Michele Borba<\/a>. \u201cWe need to reprioritize our parenting agendas ASAP. The science reveals the irony of the situation: happier and more successful kids care about others, they are able to relate, be concerned, and respect differences, and a lack of empathy makes kids less<\/i>\u00a0successful, and\u00a0less<\/i>\u00a0happy.\u201d
This dilemma, which authors of The Children We Mean to Raise dub the rhetoric\/reality gap<\/i>, presents parents with an unforeseen challenge. Yes, we want our children to be kind, compassionate, and generous human beings. We probably even talk to them about the importance of these qualities. But how can we ensure these messages aren\u2019t being drowned out by a louder, more persistent focus on achievement, happiness, and other forms of personal success?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

An innate desire to share
<\/b>Focusing on generosity may be the perfect place to start. From a holistic perspective, generosity in children means more than simply sharing a toy with a friend or sibling. When we think about raising generous kids, what we\u2019re hoping for is that they will thrive in all sorts of relationships by being willing to give and share. We want them to learn to appreciate making a positive contribution to their community and develop a healthy sense of self that recognizes their individual capacity to create change as well as their fundamental connectedness to the world around them.
From an early age, children demonstrate an incredible capacity to behave generously. Even without parental encouragement, young toddlers will spontaneously assist a stranger<\/a> or share their much-loved treats<\/a>. Studies on this seemingly innate motivation to be generous challenge the prevailing belief that children must be taught how to give. Indeed, not only do children seem to instinctively understand how and why they should be generous, studies indicate that they find this helping behavior to be intrinsically rewarding. Being generous just makes kids happier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A foundation for personal success
<\/b>Prosocial behavior\u2014behaviors intended to help other people, such as empathy, altruism and generosity\u2014appears to directly connect to a number of factors important for our children\u2019s personal success. Early demonstrations of prosocial behavior help boost later academic achievement<\/a>, as well as contribute to stronger peer relationships. Children who give are happier<\/a>, physically healthier<\/a>, and more socially connected<\/a> than their less generous counterparts. In short, The Children We Mean to Raise study claims we are focusing too much on the importance of achievement and happiness, rather than helping our children actually achieve such personal success by focusing instead on generosity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Getting results
<\/b>With this new understanding about the intrinsic nature of generosity, the burden has shifted for parents. Rather than preaching about the moral and ethical reasons for being generous, we can focus instead on providing our children with the guidance and tools they need to build on what they already know. The secret to raising generous children simply lies in consistently building on their innate capacity to give.<\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are a few suggestions for putting this into practice at home:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. Keep generosity at the forefront of conversations.<\/b> \u201cDid you finish your homework?\u201d and \u201cHow did you do on that test?\u201d are questions we ask our kids on a regular basis, placing an unintentional emphasis on the value of achievement. Consider adding some new questions to your after-school conversations, such as \u201cWhat was the kindest thing you saw someone do today?\u201d<\/li>
  2. Turn giving into a family project.<\/b> Picking charitable or volunteer projects to do together helps solidify generosity as a family value. Try spending one evening a month doing something generous as a family, such as spending time at a food bank or picking up trash in your neighborhood.<\/li>
  3. Ask questions that spark critical thinking and creativity.<\/b> In The Children We Mean to Raise, study authors recommend that parents help children \u201czoom in\u201d on issues affecting their close community, and \u201czoom out\u201d on issues affecting the wider world. Discussing these issues (appropriately) with children helps develop empathy by practicing taking the perspectives of those affected, and gets the creative juices flowing about how to make a difference. Rather than telling your child that your elderly neighbor\u2019s wife passed away and that you\u2019ll be sending over a casserole, engage your child in a discussion about the situation. \u201cHere\u2019s what happened\u2026 what do you<\/i> think we could do to help?\u201d<\/li>
  4. Create a new tradition<\/b>. Turn an existing tradition such as birthdays or holidays into an opportunity to practice generosity by including a charity gift card<\/a> in your Christmas stockings or collecting donations of canned food along with birthday presents. Alternatively, try creating a new \u201choliday\u201d by picking a date to be your annual Family Giving Day, and plan on using that day to give back each year.<\/li>
  5. Celebrate positive steps<\/b>. Experts recommend against rewarding prosocial behavior<\/a>, but finding other ways to celebrate acts of kindness or generosity can help reinforce your child\u2019s intrinsic motivations to give. Telling your child how much you appreciate their contribution when they do extra chores or sharing stories about each other\u2019s generous moments will help children feel valued, and further weave the importance of generosity into the fabric of your family.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n
    \n
    \"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

    Helping our children establish a strong, well-rounded value system is something we all hope to achieve as parents. However, the daily worries about grades, friendships, schedules, and other day-to-day details of parenting can sometimes color the overall message we send to our kids; we tend to talk most about what worries us most. Simply redirecting the focus of our daily conversations and family activities can completely change our children\u2019s perception of what we value most. Focusing on generosity over personal achievement will not only help them succeed more in the long run, but they\u2019ll be happier, more connected, and more deeply fulfilled along the way.
    Read the earlier posts in the Science of Giving series:<\/em><\/strong>


    <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    A recent article from The Atlantic makes a startling claim: according to a new Harvard University study, The Children We Mean to Raise, only 20% of children believe that their parents value caring for others as a top priority. This is in sharp contrast to what parents claim is important for their children to learn:…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":981,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":[],"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"show","_kad_post_feature_position":"above","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-978","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-science-of-giving"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe Secret to Raising a Generous Child | Science of Giving Series #4 - 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